Love Languages

I am, and forever will be, incredibly grateful to a friend of mine who gave me a copy of Gary Chapman's "The Five Love Languages."   I read it in our first year of marriage and I really think it was a marriage-saver so to speak.  Sheldon and I speak different love languages, and since we didn't have much of a courting period, we only got to really know each other after we were married. 

Sheldon's main love languages are words of affirmation (saying, "I love you.") and physical touch.  Mine are acts of service (doing dishes, making a favorite dessert), and quality time.  (Thankfully, for both of us, giving gifts isn't either of our main languages, which helps with our wallets!)

Once you recognize the way you offer to express your love to others, you realize that is the same filter you use in which to receive love as well. For example, Sheldon tells me many, many times a day "I love you." But deep inside (and before I understood all of this) my mind thinks "you can say it, but if you don't show it, words mean nothing."  That is not true at all, but it's how MY mind and heart think.  On the other hand, I don't say it all that much... I feel like I'm SHOWING him love all the time, so why say it as well? But, he needs to hear it.  He needs to hear me say "I love you." 

After 10 years I have to say we're both doing pretty well.  We know where the other is at and do our best to meet our partner where they are.

But for me, today, this all translated into something beyond my marriage- into my friendships.  When it comes to being a friend, I SHOW it.  I SMS (text), write messages on FB, make plans to visit, etc...  I don't know if it's because my friends have become accustomed to me doing the initiating that they don't, or perhaps I really just have far too much time on my hands, but I hurt when the initiating doesn't go the other way.  I want someone to text me and say, "I've been thinking about you all week... coffee?"  and, I'll drop WHATEVER I'm doing to meet them.  Because I know we're not all wired the same way, I know that how I'm feeling isn't a true reflection of reality.  I know my friends love and care for me because they were all there when I went through the hardest time in my life and they're still hanging around... ;)

So why today am I feeling so down, so alone, so unloved and unwanted?  Using hormones is always an easy, and probably accurate, excuse.

I'm completely and totally rambling, but that's what this blog is for.  If you don't like it, you're more than welcome not to read it.

Sheldon came home with a mini-chocolate bar a few minutes ago- to SHOW me he loves me and to let me know he's sorry I'm feeling sad and just can't help how I feel.

Am I the only one who struggles with these thoughts and emotions?

Until next time....