We had such a great day today as a family. Sheldon and his running group ran a 46km run out to our friends' farm. It was Werner's birthday, so the wives and kids met up with the guys (well, one husband drove to meet up with his running wife) and we stayed at the farm for a braai and relaxing day.
This place is awesome. It's, like I said, 46km from town, so it's not that far, but once you're out there you feel like you're in a different world. Its so peaceful and quiet. It's not a working farm, but more of a 'game' farm with Kudu and giraffe and I dunno what else... oh, a leopard, but I've never seen it! (dangeroos!) There's no cell phone reception, no electricity, not much other than beautiful scenery and peace and quiet. It was really an awesome way to spend the day.
It was a 'training' run for the group, so they didn't push themselves like they did last week at the Assegaai Marathon, which allowed themselves to not be utterly exhausted and able to enjoy the day too. We drove to the river for a swim, back up to the chalets for braaiing (BBQ), then the guys took the kiddies for another game drive while the ladies lounged and chatted.
The best part about my day, though, was Hannah. Not only did she start the morning with looking in the mirror and saying, "I look goooooood," but she also pushed herself and rode 7km on her new bike. She's never ridden anywhere to close that far before. She rode on a loose-gravel road, often times it was covered with soft sand. Both are hard to ride on, especially when you're 5 and not an experienced rider. The rough surface wasn't the only challenge- there were many hills, and the others left her behind. She was the last kid. But, other than Kai (3yrs older), Hannah made it the farthest. Furthest? She just pedaled her bike as steady as could be and kept her eyes on the road. I drove next to her and did my best to encourage her. She wouldn't take her hands of her handle bars even when her nose was super itchy- she was just so focused. Finally the road got to the point where the stones were just too loose, and the hills too steep, so I made her stop. She got in the car and said, "Mom, I did the best I could." I said, "Hannah!!! You did an AMAZING job! You didn't give up or quit, Mommy MADE you stop and get in the car." Wow. I'm so so so proud of her. 7km might not sound like much, but as we drove back over that 7km on the ride home, I was shocked and proud all over again.
You go girl!! I'm so so so proud of you.
Ah, what a great day!
Until next time...
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Equal Giving... Equal Sacrifice
The title above, or something like it, was used as a slogan for a church fundraiser some years ago. The idea was that in order to give, we may have to sacrifice something... there just isn't enough in your wallet to keep giving. I think most of us can relate to this.
Hannah came home a few weeks ago really longing to take a pottery class. As usual, there was no money for this added expense. We've been limiting the kids activities because of a tight budget and I really get tired of it. Myles wanted to do gymnastics but we said no. We've skipped 2yrs of swim lessons. Last year we signed Myles up for tennis lessons (which are actually very reasonably priced), so when Hannah came home wanting to do pottery, I was tired of saying no. Myles had something special to do, and I wanted Hannah to have the same luxury.
So, with this came a monthly bill of course. I realized that it was wrong of me to say "we can't afford this," because, really, in someway, we probably could. I just had to get my head wrapped around how. Then the slogan came back to my mind, and I thought "there must be something I can sacrifice each month in order to allow Hannah to take this class..." I was probably thinking about all this while making coffee one morning because the thing I chose to give up was coffee!
We only drink instant coffee here as filtered coffee is far more expensive. But, even though instant is cheaper, it's still a luxury, and one we could afford to live without. The total cost of coffee each month was about the same as the pottery class.
It's funny how coffee becomes so much a part of our lives. It wasn't a caffeine addiction that affected me because I'm super-sensitive to caffeine anyway, and have a mix of regular and decaf each morning. Or HAD anyway... ;) Each morning there was just something missing. Tea wasn't cutting it either, as far as filling in the void. I enjoy tea very much, but it just wasn't working in my morning routine. I really felt lost, sort of like I didn't know what to do with myself when I got out of bed each day. I'd walk to the kitchen, then just stare at the kettle, turn around and go back to my room- empty handed.
The small sacrifice has been totally worth it as Hannah really enjoys her class each Wednesday afternoon. Today I asked her, "what did you do in class today?" She replied, very matter of factly, "I painted myself." I'd forgotten that last week they'd made "themselves" out of pottery! (oops!)
Yesterday Sheldon and I were given some extra moola to buy groceries. What a HUGE blessing it was in many, many ways, for many, many reasons... this morning I went to the grocery store and was very careful with what I bought. I took items off the shelf, and then put them back- "we don't need that." I have to confess, though, when I got to the coffee aisle I very hesitantly put our favorite coffees in to the cart. There are always so many needs, so many other things to spend money on. I think its that way if you have a little or a lot. So I can always badger myself over splurging out on things like coffee... but sometimes with sacrifice comes giving... we gave to Hannah, then someone else gave to us. We sacrificed (although it was something very minor) for her, and someone else sacrificed for us (by sending us THEIR money, which THEY could have used on a MILLION other things...).
I'm so looking forward to tomorrow morning, getting Sheldon, and together peeling off the layer of protective-keep-in-the-freshness-seal and sniffing in the first, and best, whiff of coffee. God is good and I'm so grateful that He looks after us the way that He does.
Until next time...
Hannah came home a few weeks ago really longing to take a pottery class. As usual, there was no money for this added expense. We've been limiting the kids activities because of a tight budget and I really get tired of it. Myles wanted to do gymnastics but we said no. We've skipped 2yrs of swim lessons. Last year we signed Myles up for tennis lessons (which are actually very reasonably priced), so when Hannah came home wanting to do pottery, I was tired of saying no. Myles had something special to do, and I wanted Hannah to have the same luxury.
So, with this came a monthly bill of course. I realized that it was wrong of me to say "we can't afford this," because, really, in someway, we probably could. I just had to get my head wrapped around how. Then the slogan came back to my mind, and I thought "there must be something I can sacrifice each month in order to allow Hannah to take this class..." I was probably thinking about all this while making coffee one morning because the thing I chose to give up was coffee!
We only drink instant coffee here as filtered coffee is far more expensive. But, even though instant is cheaper, it's still a luxury, and one we could afford to live without. The total cost of coffee each month was about the same as the pottery class.
It's funny how coffee becomes so much a part of our lives. It wasn't a caffeine addiction that affected me because I'm super-sensitive to caffeine anyway, and have a mix of regular and decaf each morning. Or HAD anyway... ;) Each morning there was just something missing. Tea wasn't cutting it either, as far as filling in the void. I enjoy tea very much, but it just wasn't working in my morning routine. I really felt lost, sort of like I didn't know what to do with myself when I got out of bed each day. I'd walk to the kitchen, then just stare at the kettle, turn around and go back to my room- empty handed.
The small sacrifice has been totally worth it as Hannah really enjoys her class each Wednesday afternoon. Today I asked her, "what did you do in class today?" She replied, very matter of factly, "I painted myself." I'd forgotten that last week they'd made "themselves" out of pottery! (oops!)
Yesterday Sheldon and I were given some extra moola to buy groceries. What a HUGE blessing it was in many, many ways, for many, many reasons... this morning I went to the grocery store and was very careful with what I bought. I took items off the shelf, and then put them back- "we don't need that." I have to confess, though, when I got to the coffee aisle I very hesitantly put our favorite coffees in to the cart. There are always so many needs, so many other things to spend money on. I think its that way if you have a little or a lot. So I can always badger myself over splurging out on things like coffee... but sometimes with sacrifice comes giving... we gave to Hannah, then someone else gave to us. We sacrificed (although it was something very minor) for her, and someone else sacrificed for us (by sending us THEIR money, which THEY could have used on a MILLION other things...).
I'm so looking forward to tomorrow morning, getting Sheldon, and together peeling off the layer of protective-keep-in-the-freshness-seal and sniffing in the first, and best, whiff of coffee. God is good and I'm so grateful that He looks after us the way that He does.
Until next time...
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Can't Believe God is doing this in me...
I've written and re-written this entry three, four, five times now.
I'm, obviously, finding it hard to write what has been going on in my head, my heart... my life in the past month.
Everything now links to something that happened before, and that links to something that happened before that. So, to explain it all I'd have to go back to the very beginning and that'd be boring for everyone.
So where do I start? What do I say?
I guess I can say I've been faced with a reality that I've known in my head all my life, but haven't necessarily seen up close and personal for a long time. (just wrote and deleted again!)
I've been teaching Sunday school for grade 6&7 girls for the last month. To say this is something out of my comfort zone is an understatement. Just because I've been in youth ministry for 12 years, and just because my husband is awesome with teenagers doesn't mean that I am! In fact, I stink at it!!! ESPECIALLY with girls. I can hit it off with boys far more easily than girls- maybe because I am in the middle of two brothers? In my last drafts I've explained how it came about that I am teaching this class, but really it's not that important.
What's important to me, and I think to God... no, I KNOW to God, is who these girls are and where they are at in life. The Sunday school curriculum, as good as it is, is completely irrelevant and not useful at all. If these girls had grown up in church all their lives then I could do something with it. If they'd grown up in America or a 1st world country, then they could relate to it, but they didn't and they can't. The kids I've tried to work with for the past 10 years are from a different culture, different economic class, different educational experience, and different language! I realized I could not at all be useful to these girls unless I got to know them, and them me. What right did I have to ask them deep and personal questions when I couldn't even say their name or know where they lived?
There are two white girls in the class, they don't come regularly, and they are the type of kids that Sheldon and I relate to on a regular basis. There's one Indian girl, but from a culture much like the white girls, and the rest are black. Not all are Zulu as some come from Zimbabwe, and one from Swaziland. English is the 2nd or 3rd language for all but 2 of them. 5 of the girls come from homes with both a mom and dad AT home, which is quite startling actually. I was surprised the number was that high. One girl lives with her grandmother (a common occurrence in South Africa) and 3 of the girls are from Uzwelo (the orphanage). There are 3 girls who I can't get to speak- at least not more than one word at a time. (Actually, it was one of these 3 who asked me, "Who wrote the Bible?" Hey- a legit question if you grew up TOTALLY different than I did!!!!! It seems an obvious answer to me, but why should it be obvious to them?)
(deleting again!)
I guess where I'm at is here: as others in my shoes well know, but 99.9% of the world doesn't- there is no written material to help me reach out to these girls. I'm totally, 100% ill-equipped in that sense. No amount of college education in America, no amount of Christian high school, and not 10 years of youth ministry in South Africa has prepared me for this. There's no information on the Internet (I know, b/c I have searched) to help me reach out and understand this demographic.
So to find myself in a teaching position, which terrifies me, with pre-teen/young teenage (scary) girls (scarier!), and nothing to launch off of. All this has led me to once place- on my knees. I'm totally at God's mercy and utterly reliant upon His grace.
The strangest thing for me is that I was meant to fill in for just 6 weeks. I could muddle through that time with them, but after 4 weeks I found myself contacting their teacher asking if I could stay with them. What? What was I doing? SHE is a GOOD teacher. She's lived in South Africa her WHOLE life... she's FAR more equipped than I to lead these girls... she said it was a burden off of her shoulders due to having a toddler with another on the way, and she was so grateful I was willing to do this.
I never know what each Sunday will hold. Some weeks the hour has flown past- the girls opened up to me, cried, and shared some of their stories. Other weeks they've been near silent, not giving me any feed back and I think "Oh God, please help me! I'm wasting their time. They probably think I'm such a moron and they want their old teacher back." This past Sunday was like that. I tried to relate a Bible story into their lives (about Jesus helping us when we cry out to Him) but it seemed to fall flat. No one participated in the discussion and I could only do a "lesson" for so long (about 5min probably). I finally said to them, "you girls can be dismissed if you like. I don't know what else to say to you. You're very quiet today. I'd love to chat to you and get to know you more, and you me, but I can't do anything if you don't talk. You can ask me anything you want..." silence.
I went to Sheldon after church, totally frustrated, and said, "this is SO not going well. What am I doing with these girls? I'm sure they hate this class. And oh, they asked me if they could get together after school tomorrow and have a Valentines' Day picnic." Sheldon said, "what? what do you mean it's not going well? it's not going well so much that they want to spend time with you and each other outside of church?" I stepped back from myself and thought "OK... i guess it can't be all that bad!" They did come, although some of them 40 min late, and they were VERY quiet. But they did have fun and at the end they actually said "thank you!" which shows me they appreciated it.
This is a work of God and God alone, but I am so grateful He's chosen me to be a part of it all.
I'm sorry that this made no sense. I've spent like 2 hours trying to write it out in a way that conveys all I'm thinking and feeling, but I know I've blown it and I'm tired and ready to sign off...
I feel so privileged to be a part of what the Lord is doing here... I only hope He can continue to use me in spite of me!
Until next time...
I'm, obviously, finding it hard to write what has been going on in my head, my heart... my life in the past month.
Everything now links to something that happened before, and that links to something that happened before that. So, to explain it all I'd have to go back to the very beginning and that'd be boring for everyone.
So where do I start? What do I say?
I guess I can say I've been faced with a reality that I've known in my head all my life, but haven't necessarily seen up close and personal for a long time. (just wrote and deleted again!)
I've been teaching Sunday school for grade 6&7 girls for the last month. To say this is something out of my comfort zone is an understatement. Just because I've been in youth ministry for 12 years, and just because my husband is awesome with teenagers doesn't mean that I am! In fact, I stink at it!!! ESPECIALLY with girls. I can hit it off with boys far more easily than girls- maybe because I am in the middle of two brothers? In my last drafts I've explained how it came about that I am teaching this class, but really it's not that important.
What's important to me, and I think to God... no, I KNOW to God, is who these girls are and where they are at in life. The Sunday school curriculum, as good as it is, is completely irrelevant and not useful at all. If these girls had grown up in church all their lives then I could do something with it. If they'd grown up in America or a 1st world country, then they could relate to it, but they didn't and they can't. The kids I've tried to work with for the past 10 years are from a different culture, different economic class, different educational experience, and different language! I realized I could not at all be useful to these girls unless I got to know them, and them me. What right did I have to ask them deep and personal questions when I couldn't even say their name or know where they lived?
There are two white girls in the class, they don't come regularly, and they are the type of kids that Sheldon and I relate to on a regular basis. There's one Indian girl, but from a culture much like the white girls, and the rest are black. Not all are Zulu as some come from Zimbabwe, and one from Swaziland. English is the 2nd or 3rd language for all but 2 of them. 5 of the girls come from homes with both a mom and dad AT home, which is quite startling actually. I was surprised the number was that high. One girl lives with her grandmother (a common occurrence in South Africa) and 3 of the girls are from Uzwelo (the orphanage). There are 3 girls who I can't get to speak- at least not more than one word at a time. (Actually, it was one of these 3 who asked me, "Who wrote the Bible?" Hey- a legit question if you grew up TOTALLY different than I did!!!!! It seems an obvious answer to me, but why should it be obvious to them?)
(deleting again!)
I guess where I'm at is here: as others in my shoes well know, but 99.9% of the world doesn't- there is no written material to help me reach out to these girls. I'm totally, 100% ill-equipped in that sense. No amount of college education in America, no amount of Christian high school, and not 10 years of youth ministry in South Africa has prepared me for this. There's no information on the Internet (I know, b/c I have searched) to help me reach out and understand this demographic.
So to find myself in a teaching position, which terrifies me, with pre-teen/young teenage (scary) girls (scarier!), and nothing to launch off of. All this has led me to once place- on my knees. I'm totally at God's mercy and utterly reliant upon His grace.
The strangest thing for me is that I was meant to fill in for just 6 weeks. I could muddle through that time with them, but after 4 weeks I found myself contacting their teacher asking if I could stay with them. What? What was I doing? SHE is a GOOD teacher. She's lived in South Africa her WHOLE life... she's FAR more equipped than I to lead these girls... she said it was a burden off of her shoulders due to having a toddler with another on the way, and she was so grateful I was willing to do this.
I never know what each Sunday will hold. Some weeks the hour has flown past- the girls opened up to me, cried, and shared some of their stories. Other weeks they've been near silent, not giving me any feed back and I think "Oh God, please help me! I'm wasting their time. They probably think I'm such a moron and they want their old teacher back." This past Sunday was like that. I tried to relate a Bible story into their lives (about Jesus helping us when we cry out to Him) but it seemed to fall flat. No one participated in the discussion and I could only do a "lesson" for so long (about 5min probably). I finally said to them, "you girls can be dismissed if you like. I don't know what else to say to you. You're very quiet today. I'd love to chat to you and get to know you more, and you me, but I can't do anything if you don't talk. You can ask me anything you want..." silence.
I went to Sheldon after church, totally frustrated, and said, "this is SO not going well. What am I doing with these girls? I'm sure they hate this class. And oh, they asked me if they could get together after school tomorrow and have a Valentines' Day picnic." Sheldon said, "what? what do you mean it's not going well? it's not going well so much that they want to spend time with you and each other outside of church?" I stepped back from myself and thought "OK... i guess it can't be all that bad!" They did come, although some of them 40 min late, and they were VERY quiet. But they did have fun and at the end they actually said "thank you!" which shows me they appreciated it.
This is a work of God and God alone, but I am so grateful He's chosen me to be a part of it all.
I'm sorry that this made no sense. I've spent like 2 hours trying to write it out in a way that conveys all I'm thinking and feeling, but I know I've blown it and I'm tired and ready to sign off...
I feel so privileged to be a part of what the Lord is doing here... I only hope He can continue to use me in spite of me!
Until next time...
Friday, February 4, 2011
Here and There
(just a note to say please forgive me for that last post. although it was real and transparent it was very negative! :P )
One upon a time "here" was New Hampshire and "there" was just about anywhere else in the world. For 11 years now, however, "here" is now South Africa, specifically Piet Retief, and "there" usually refers to back home in the US. I was communicating with a fellow American, who now lives in the UK, about the difference between Celcius and Farenheit, and it got me to thinking about all the differences- in the small things- between "here" and "there."
Here: There:
Celcius Farenheit
Takkies Sneakers
Longs Pants/Jeans
Braai Barbeque
Inca Lily Alstrumaria
Cool Drink whatever it is specifically
like "coke" or "root beer" or
"juice" or even "soda"
Cut the grass mow the lawn
Icing Sugar Confectioners Sugar
Treacle Sugar Brown Sugar
Brown Sugar not sure, but it's like white sugar, but brown
Castor Sugar Super Fine Sugar (I think)
Gezer Hot Water Heater
(why don't we just say water heater?)
Chips French Fries
Chips Potato Chips
Bonnet Hood (of car)
Boot Trunk
Truck Mack Truck/Semi
Baakie Pick-Up Truck/Truck
Pavement Sidewalk
Biscuit Cookie
Jersey Sweater
Dry Mac Wind Breaker
Plat Braid
Torch Flashlight
and the list goes on...
But, whether "here" or "there" it all feels like home.
Until next time...
One upon a time "here" was New Hampshire and "there" was just about anywhere else in the world. For 11 years now, however, "here" is now South Africa, specifically Piet Retief, and "there" usually refers to back home in the US. I was communicating with a fellow American, who now lives in the UK, about the difference between Celcius and Farenheit, and it got me to thinking about all the differences- in the small things- between "here" and "there."
Here: There:
Celcius Farenheit
Takkies Sneakers
Longs Pants/Jeans
Braai Barbeque
Inca Lily Alstrumaria
Cool Drink whatever it is specifically
like "coke" or "root beer" or
"juice" or even "soda"
Cut the grass mow the lawn
Icing Sugar Confectioners Sugar
Treacle Sugar Brown Sugar
Brown Sugar not sure, but it's like white sugar, but brown
Castor Sugar Super Fine Sugar (I think)
Gezer Hot Water Heater
(why don't we just say water heater?)
Chips French Fries
Chips Potato Chips
Bonnet Hood (of car)
Boot Trunk
Truck Mack Truck/Semi
Baakie Pick-Up Truck/Truck
Pavement Sidewalk
Biscuit Cookie
Jersey Sweater
Dry Mac Wind Breaker
Plat Braid
Torch Flashlight
and the list goes on...
But, whether "here" or "there" it all feels like home.
Until next time...
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Love Languages
I am, and forever will be, incredibly grateful to a friend of mine who gave me a copy of Gary Chapman's "The Five Love Languages." I read it in our first year of marriage and I really think it was a marriage-saver so to speak. Sheldon and I speak different love languages, and since we didn't have much of a courting period, we only got to really know each other after we were married.
Sheldon's main love languages are words of affirmation (saying, "I love you.") and physical touch. Mine are acts of service (doing dishes, making a favorite dessert), and quality time. (Thankfully, for both of us, giving gifts isn't either of our main languages, which helps with our wallets!)
Once you recognize the way you offer to express your love to others, you realize that is the same filter you use in which to receive love as well. For example, Sheldon tells me many, many times a day "I love you." But deep inside (and before I understood all of this) my mind thinks "you can say it, but if you don't show it, words mean nothing." That is not true at all, but it's how MY mind and heart think. On the other hand, I don't say it all that much... I feel like I'm SHOWING him love all the time, so why say it as well? But, he needs to hear it. He needs to hear me say "I love you."
After 10 years I have to say we're both doing pretty well. We know where the other is at and do our best to meet our partner where they are.
But for me, today, this all translated into something beyond my marriage- into my friendships. When it comes to being a friend, I SHOW it. I SMS (text), write messages on FB, make plans to visit, etc... I don't know if it's because my friends have become accustomed to me doing the initiating that they don't, or perhaps I really just have far too much time on my hands, but I hurt when the initiating doesn't go the other way. I want someone to text me and say, "I've been thinking about you all week... coffee?" and, I'll drop WHATEVER I'm doing to meet them. Because I know we're not all wired the same way, I know that how I'm feeling isn't a true reflection of reality. I know my friends love and care for me because they were all there when I went through the hardest time in my life and they're still hanging around... ;)
So why today am I feeling so down, so alone, so unloved and unwanted? Using hormones is always an easy, and probably accurate, excuse.
I'm completely and totally rambling, but that's what this blog is for. If you don't like it, you're more than welcome not to read it.
Sheldon came home with a mini-chocolate bar a few minutes ago- to SHOW me he loves me and to let me know he's sorry I'm feeling sad and just can't help how I feel.
Am I the only one who struggles with these thoughts and emotions?
Until next time....
Sheldon's main love languages are words of affirmation (saying, "I love you.") and physical touch. Mine are acts of service (doing dishes, making a favorite dessert), and quality time. (Thankfully, for both of us, giving gifts isn't either of our main languages, which helps with our wallets!)
Once you recognize the way you offer to express your love to others, you realize that is the same filter you use in which to receive love as well. For example, Sheldon tells me many, many times a day "I love you." But deep inside (and before I understood all of this) my mind thinks "you can say it, but if you don't show it, words mean nothing." That is not true at all, but it's how MY mind and heart think. On the other hand, I don't say it all that much... I feel like I'm SHOWING him love all the time, so why say it as well? But, he needs to hear it. He needs to hear me say "I love you."
After 10 years I have to say we're both doing pretty well. We know where the other is at and do our best to meet our partner where they are.
But for me, today, this all translated into something beyond my marriage- into my friendships. When it comes to being a friend, I SHOW it. I SMS (text), write messages on FB, make plans to visit, etc... I don't know if it's because my friends have become accustomed to me doing the initiating that they don't, or perhaps I really just have far too much time on my hands, but I hurt when the initiating doesn't go the other way. I want someone to text me and say, "I've been thinking about you all week... coffee?" and, I'll drop WHATEVER I'm doing to meet them. Because I know we're not all wired the same way, I know that how I'm feeling isn't a true reflection of reality. I know my friends love and care for me because they were all there when I went through the hardest time in my life and they're still hanging around... ;)
So why today am I feeling so down, so alone, so unloved and unwanted? Using hormones is always an easy, and probably accurate, excuse.
I'm completely and totally rambling, but that's what this blog is for. If you don't like it, you're more than welcome not to read it.
Sheldon came home with a mini-chocolate bar a few minutes ago- to SHOW me he loves me and to let me know he's sorry I'm feeling sad and just can't help how I feel.
Am I the only one who struggles with these thoughts and emotions?
Until next time....
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